Dig for gold, not dirt

Parents and coaches can dig for gold with their kids and players or they can dig for dirt.  The difference in the relationship is remarkable based on the decision made by the adult.

Strengths and Weaknesses

Many coaches and parents are of the mind that weaknesses need to be shored up.  In a tennis context, if the player has an outstanding forehand and serve, but lacks a great net game the coach would spend a lot of time working on the volleys and overheads.  In a parenting context, if the child is getting all A’s but gets a C in Spanish, the focus would be on Spanish.  This would be the idea of digging for dirt.

What about focusing on the strengths?  In the above examples, if the forehand and serve are the dominant part of the student’s game, then how about focusing on those two things 80% of the time and continuing to build the confidence of the player through affirmation of their strengths?

Remember Steffi Graf?  Owner of 22 grand slam singles titles?  I’m pretty sure that I never saw her hit a topspin backhand her entire career.  When her coach Heinz Gunthardt (also former coach of Ana Ivanovic more recently) was asked “what do you work on with Steffi?”  his reply was “her serve, her forehand, and her slice backhand.”  All three of these things she did phenomenally well!  He had a vision for her game and built her confidence around her strengths.  (More on vision in an earlier blog of mine found here).

A “C” in Spanish

How about the other example?  Your child comes home with outstanding grades in every subject except they pull a C in Spanish.  The majority of parents will focus on the Spanish, will they not?

I would rather have my daughters be outstanding in something rather than mediocre in a lot of things.  I’ll take the C.

A Matter of Trust

As my oldest daughter prepares for adult life (she’s fifteen now), I recognize more and more things that she needs to be trusted with.  When she was ten, I would’ve never dreamed of letter her drive the car.  Now I ride shotgun.  When she was eight she would’ve never had a cell phone in her room at night.  Now it’s on her nightstand.

I could spend my days digging for dirt, asking probing questions like “who are you texting?” and “where are you going?” or I could trust that I’ve brought her up in a way that I can simply focus on her strengths – in other words dig for gold – and that she will make wise choices.

Coaching Confidence – what are you GOOD at?

If you think of three things that you really enjoy doing… that are really FUN for you… I’m guessing you’re not bad at any of them.  The better you are at something, the more confident you become in that thing.  As a coach and as a parent, I like to coach my girls and my players into what I call the circle of confidence.  It goes like this:  I recognize a strength and work on it, then they get better at it and their confidence rises.  Then we work on it more, and it gets better, and the confidence rises, and the circle continues until there is a strong belief in their ability on that one thing, whether it be a forehand or an english grade.  The more time I spend working on their weaknesses, the more time I waste not building their confidence.

I welcome your thoughts on this idea.  Are you a gold digger or a dirt digger when it comes to your players and your children?

 

But I’m just trying to help…

Parents and coaches talk too much.  See the period at the end of that sentence?

For the past 18 years I’ve been a tennis pro and for the past 15 I’ve been a parent and if there’s one thing I’m sure of it’s that parents and coaches think they’re helping… but they’re not.  How about this example to start us out:

Young tennis player: “Mom, did you see those two aces that I hit in the last game?  That was amazing!  Two aces in the final game to win the match for my team!”

Mom:  “Yeah, but you had six double faults that match alone.  You’re going to have to pull that together for the next match.  And your return was a little off this match, wasn’t it?  A lot of returns went into the net.”

That whole exchange took place in about six seconds.  Mom was just trying to help, but instead the look on her daughter’s face said that she was no help at all.

Or how about this one:

Son:  “Dad, have you checked out my grades recently?” (Of course no parent has to wait for the report card anymore… grades are real time on line now). “I’ve gotten my History and Science grades both to an A!”

Dad:  “What the heck is going on in Spanish?  You’ve got an A in History, Science, Algebra, and AP Bio, but you’re pulling a B- in Spanish?  You got a C- on the last test.  Can you retake it?”

Or finally:

“Up the middle!  Up the middle!  Sally is open! You’ve got to go left foot on that!  Jasmine, get back on defense!  Back on defense!  NO!!  Here she comes, Morgan!  Here she comes!  Get ready!  Left!  Left!  Ah, come on ladies!  You can’t let them score that easily!”

The above can be heard every single Saturday morning from soccer coaches around the world trying to help their players get it right.

Here’s my belief:  Confidence is the number one thing that any young person needs.  Confidence in who they are, in who they are becoming, in their abilities, in their problem solving skills.  The big C is king. When they have confidence, they learn that they can solve these things on their own.  All three of the above examples do NOTHING to build the child’s confidence.  They are instructions coming from an adult who is “just trying to help” but the child gains nothing from them and in fact is not guided at all to discover how to become better.  If we’re trying to help, let’s do just that… guide them to discover things for themselves.  Not tell them what to do and certainly not tell them all the things they’re doing wrong in the hopes that they will fix them.

I like to say “your kids or players aren’t broken so don’t try to fix them.”

More on this in future posts.

Vision for your tennis students: the key to achieving their goals

For my fellow tennis teaching professionals… especially those who think that the western grip is outside the realm of acceptability and that the follow through is the most important thing to teach a nine year old.

 

“It’s not just about what it is, it’s about what it can be” – the Once-ler, Dr. Seuss’ THE LORAX

“Where there is no vision, the people cast off restraint” – King Solomon

“The one thing worse than not being able to see is having no vision” – Helen Keller

So many lessons… so many tips… so many balls fed to so many students.  Have you ever felt this way?  Picture this:  The parent of a young player meets you at the club and asks “do you have time for a lesson with Audrey?”  “Of course!” you say, hoping to fill that nasty Tuesday 7pm time slot that no one seems to want this season.  But now think what you’re really getting into…

Let’s say that Audrey is ten years old, a pretty good little athlete and has parents that both play competitive tennis.  She goes to a good school with a history of good tennis teams and has a peer group who all like to play tennis as well.

Audrey needs a vision.  And she needs you as her coach to cast that vision because as a ten-year old player, she cannot see it.  The question that this article is going to challenge you on is:  are you a “tip” pro or are you a “visionary pro?”  First, let’s start with the differences between the two:

A tip pro bounces from stroke to stroke, working a little on everything all the time.  A visionary pro has projects that are identified with the student and the parent.

A tip pro rarely, if ever, adds the element of competition to lessons – they play “tennis stroke.”  A visionary pro teaches that tennis is a game to be played and makes game ready players through game ready lessons.  They play TENNIS!

A tip pro talks a lot, always feeding their own ego and pride with all the knowledge that they’ve accumulated over years of giving tips.  A visionary pro speaks very little but when they do it pertains directly to the vision for the player and there is passion behind it.

A tip pro sees the player today.  A visionary pro sees the player years from now.

A tip pro looks at the physicality, strength and body type of the player today – often times seeing them as limitations that can’t be overcome.  A visionary pro looks at what the players’ size, strength, and body type will be years from now and develops a style of play based on it.

A tip pro never writes things down.  A visionary pro has a written plan for their students.

A tip pro tells the student what it is.  A visionary pro tells the student what it can become.

A tip pro focuses on weaknesses.  A visionary pro focuses on strengths.

A tip pro sees every player as fitting into one game style.  A visionary pro picks the game style based on the player’s instincts.

A tip pro thinks that technique is king.  A visionary pro knows that tactics always precede technique.

Finally, a tip pro develops hitters.  A visionary pro develops players.

Let’s talk briefly about goal setting.  So many things have been written about goal setting that we’ll keep it short as it pertains to vision.  There are two types of goals for tennis:  Performance goals and outcome goals.

Performance goals:  These are goals that the player has complete control over.  They are specific, measurable, and hopefully reasonable for the player to achieve.  They may be written something like:

Double fault no more than one time per set.
Spin my serve to the backhand on the ad side.
Control my attitude between points by specifically looking at my strings when I miss badly.
Attack any short ball by approaching the net and looking to finish with a volley.
Use my forehand on any ball that comes up the middle third of the court.

Performance goals are essential for the player to have because they are completely within the control of the player and can build confidence when achieved.  As I’ve told many students – “even if you lose 0-6, 0-6, if you achieve your performance goals, you’re a winner.”

Outcome goals:  These are goals that the player can influence the outcome of, but ultimately they do not control whether or not they are achieved.  They are also specific, measurable, and reasonable for the player to achieve.  They may be written something like:

Win my first round of the district qualifier.
Get to the finals of the regional championship.
Make the singles line up of my high school team.
Get a Division one scholarship for tennis.
Achieve a ranking of top ten in the midwest.

Outcome goals are also essential for the player to have because they measure progress from year to year and give players something “bigger” to work towards.  These are the outcome challenges that come from improving one’s game.

If planned correctly, the performance goals help one to achieve their outcome goals.

In short, vision is the over-arching theme by which all our decisions as teaching pros should be measured.  If it helps the player to become the vision, then do it.  If it doesn’t, then don’t waste either of your time.